always unexpected: the sucker punches
I had plans. Several of them. They involved my free time, my work, and my myriad of projects in progress. Just when things seemed to be falling into place—settling into a comfortable routine alongside my other obligations—it happened: I was blindsided.
For me, it came in the form of a migraine so severe I could barely stand, accompanied by the full spectrum of associated symptoms: pain, head pressure, dizziness, nausea, sensitivity to sound and light—pain, pain, and more pain. I was reduced to lying down and waiting for the hell to pass. Then came the aftermath—the total hangover. It always arrives with a lack of energy and exhaustion, disorientation, a mood that’s hit rock bottom, and questions about how many more times I’ll have to go through this.
The plans and projects? Put on hold.
Every last scrap of energy goes toward work responsibilities—trying to meet demands as best I can while I recover. And then, it happens: another curveball. But this time... in a way that turned out to be positive?
I am one of those people who loves having control over things, however much of a fantasy that might be. When that control slips through my fingers—because, as much as I like doing things my way, not everything depends on me—suffering, anguish, and doubt set in. I find myself obsessively replaying every decision and action that has led to that moment, consumed by anxiety because there is nothing I can do to change my situation.
But then... the moment an opportunity arises to leave that situation? To change course? To drop everything and start over (or start anew) somewhere else? I don’t hesitate.
I don’t question myself.
I don’t doubt myself, and any insecurity that once suffocated me simply... vanishes.
I just go. I accept it. I make the change.
I latch onto this new path and embark on it with excitement and high expectations. Fear doesn't exist when the change is meant to improve a situation that weighs on my shoulders, makes me sick, or keeps me from sleeping soundly. When the positives outweigh the negatives, for me, it’s never a question. It’s a certainty.
Of course, not everything is perfect. There is no idealized version of my future that unfolds exactly as I want it to, but where I find myself now is still a step forward in a direction that brings me more happiness and a better quality of life. I feel more rested, more energetic, and more inspired to create and do the things I love. I have new plans and am returning to ones that were already in motion.
Sometimes, I need to be knocked off balance to realize what truly matters and to clearly align my priorities with what I want. That is how I live a better life.
At least, until the next time I get knocked down :D